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True Love
Homily
at the Marriage of Heather Kent and Lincoln Ludwig
St. Mark’s Episcopal Church
Glen Ellyn, Illinois
August 12, 2006
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Poem: “True Love”
At last Sunday’s morning worship service, I slightly
embarrassed Heather and Lincoln by asking the congregation to
keep them in their prayers as they prepared for their upcoming
marriage. After the service, one woman came up to me and said,
“Is it legal for them to be married? I mean, are they
old enough?” Indeed, Heather and Lincoln are youthful
looking, but they are old enough to be legally married. I won’t
disclose their ages, but I have seen their documents and can
attest that they are 18 or older. So yes, they are eligible
to be legally married. But we are here today for more than legal
marriage. You will notice on the front of your bulletin that
this is a Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage. The legal
part of marriage is a contract, like buying and selling a house
or getting a car loan. There is a commitment on both sides to
agree to the terms of the contract – to pay a set amount
of money on time or to hand the keys over at the agreed upon
date. Contracts can be breached, canceled and voided. Unfortunately,
many marriages end up this way having bogged down in a legal
quagmire. And that is why it is important to see this ceremony
as more than a legal arrangement. For one thing, we are in a
church building, using the language of prayer and scripture.
Those provide for the appropriate setting and help us realized
that this is a celebration. Cake, dancing and champagne will
help with that too, later on. It is however, the Blessing that
moves us beyond the realm of contracts. Heather and Lincoln
have made a choice to make their commitment to each other in
public in front of their parents, siblings, cousins and friends.
It is your job to support them as you have agreed to do just
a few minutes ago. You are blessing them with your presence
and commitment. Heather and Lincoln have also made a choice
to acknowledge God’s presence and mystery in their vows
to each other, seeking not only God’s presence but blessing,
which is an invitation to make their union not just their own,
but one that is united with God. This is a powerful and awesome
decision, and one that will sustain them through the good and
bad.
While listening to the radio this week, I heard one of the
“This I Believe” essays on NPR. The author is Betsy
Chalmers who lives in Richmond, Va., where she is a deacon and
musician at her church. Her topic: faithfulness. Listen to her
essay: I met him when I was 19, married him at 20 and we were
separated when I turned 22 because he was arrested for and then
convicted of a violent crime. He had failed himself, his family,
his wife and his future, but he was my husband. I was mad, sad,
disappointed and frightened, but I loved him, and he needed
me, so I stayed. I stayed through weeks of trials, years in
jail and decades in prison. I have faith in the covenant of
marriage and of the God we stood before when we took those vows.
I have faith in my husband and his ability to grow and change
and become a better man, no matter where he is -- and he has.
I have faith that time makes changes in us all we cannot avoid
or ignore. I am now 50. He is 55. He is still my husband and
my best friend. I see him four hours every weekend and I talk
to him on the phone twice a week for 20 minutes. I am not deceived
or a martyr. I am not stupid, uneducated or desperate. I am
a wife. I work, have a mortgage, a 9-year-old car, two dogs
and bills just like everyone else. Yes, I get angry at the situation.
I have grieved the loss of many of the normal things others
have done, like having children and vacations abroad. This is
not the life I would have expected for myself 30 years ago and
it isn't one I recommend to others, but it is my life. At 50,
I have come to the conclusion it is not the life I have that
defines me, it is the way I choose to live that life. I choose
to live it being faithful. This brings me peace, this allows
me to have joy, this keeps me aware of my husband. My spiritual
faith has given me the foundation to live this life, not just
survive it. Faith in a God who has not abandoned me; faith in
a man who loves me; faith in myself. I believe in faithfulness.
This essay by Betsy Chambers gives us a glimpse of a marriage
that goes beyond contractual obligations and expectations. She
gives us a glimpse of the meaning of love that is empowered
and sustained by God’s presence. This is the True Love
that the poem we have heard describes. True Love is not any
love – it is a love that burns eternally. It is a love
that is patient and kind. It is a love that never ends, as we
have heard in the familiar passage from 1st Corinthians. There
is love and there is True Love. Ordinary, run-of-the-mill love
is a often like a candy bar that satisfies your hunger for a
while, whose burst of sugar leaves you hyper and then fades,
leaving fatigue and more hunger in its wake. It is easy. It
is cheap. It can be bought for $1. This is the love that is
a flash in the pan – which burns hot and then exhausts
itself. But True Love is a love that goes beyond anything reasonable
and rational. It is extreme to the point of insanity in its
duration, strength, forgiveness, gentleness and humility. It
is of course an impossible expectation for anyone – especially
someone who is a day over 18 - but not for any two who are blessed
and sustained by God.
Heather and Lincoln, you have been blessed by God with supportive
parents whose marriages can be a guide to you and with loving
siblings who are some of your best friends. You are blessed
with talents that will sustain your life together as you build
your own family. Heather is gifted in caring for and nurturing
children as Cate and Elle will certainly tell you. Lincoln is
a skilled craftsman and project manager who makes sub-divisions
rise out of the cornfields. What you are doing for others, you
will be able to do for yourselves and your own family. And it
is God’s blessing that will enable you to always love
each other with True Love.
Amen.
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